By Mel Robbins
This was another one that leans really hard into branding. The messaging wasn’t bad. It also wasn’t new such that it constitutes a new “theory.” Robbins adds a new label to ACT and stoicism. Don’t fight your emotions, accept them. Don’t fight other people, accept them. I would have enjoyed it more if there was less “my revolutionary new theory will change your life!” and more dispassionate descriptions of good behavior. Regardless of my aversion to marketing language, I appreciated the section about the silent treatment. Robbins argues that many people are not more advanced than 8 year olds when it comes to dealing with their emotions. Pouting adults using the silent treatment was used as an example and identified as a response lacking in maturity. It reveals a person who isn’t prepared to communicate their feelings and needs and instead tries to get attention by a form of acting out. I’ve definitely been guilty of this, and it’s helpful to have this reminder that it’s an example of my own malfunction. While spinning some negative thoughts in my head and resisting actual communication, I will tell myself that it’s the other person’s fault and that they need to correct the situation. It could very well be true that they did something offensive or inappropriate, but silent treatment is poor handling of the conflict on my end. Similarly, the book warns against pressuring someone else to change. Pressure causes resistance. You can inspire change and support someone with affirmations and advice when they choose to change, but you can’t force them into making the choice. Somewhere in my brain, I already knew this, but when life happens, that wisdom gets buried and I struggle with people who won’t show up the way that I want them to. Robbins says there are two appropriate options: accept them the way they are, or move on. Continuing to stick around while trying to make them be different is a losing proposition for all involved. I found myself wishing that certain people in my life would read this book and take the messages to heart. I’m not sure if that’s more a compliment to the book or me missing the last point. If someone was looking for some entry-level personal development reading, this could be a good start, provided they don’t gag on the marketing hype.